Helpful Resources

COVID-19, Counselling and Tele-health
09 Apr, 2020
Here to help in trying times - COVID-19, stress, isolation and continuing therapy sessions with tele-health. The pandemic and social distancing has changed how we live for the near future. I am now offering sessions by phone or video. Phone and video sessions are not the same as in-person of course, but we can be thankful for technology. I am available for you. I know many are troubled with anxiety and facing unforeseen challenges. I can help with a place to talk and with coming up with strategies and tools for your needs. Tech does bring its own challenges however with respect to privacy, security and confidentiality. Phone is the most secure, but I do have access to a professional video platform that is used by medical professionals for its high security. My professional bodies, The College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario, and the Canadian Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, have both offered very hepful resources for "electronic practice". When we "meet", I will go over some more details about this with you. Please contact me with any questions or concerns. For the time being, I will be relaxing charges for late cancellations or no shows. I will probably be expanding my availability as I know some will need to work every hour they can get. Let's talk.
Witness to Healing
14 Oct, 2019
Over the past several weeks I have been privileged to witness some powerful examples of healing in relationships. One example was of a couple working through incredibly difficult pain of betrayal. Both of them were incredibly brave in being transparent here in my office about their pain and regret. The cool thing is that they had been developing skills to keep anger at bay and therefore be able to stick with what needed to be healed. The shift in their attachment was palpable. It was an honour to be a part of that. There are a couple of other examples that happened but the common denominators were grace and humility. Pride was now allowed in the room! Pride is not an agent of healing but humbleness and being gracious is. When people agree to not deflect and defend, and then to "hold" the other's pain, much is gained.
Taming Holiday - Family Gathering Angst
02 Oct, 2019
There are times and places where people can behave horrifically. Holiday gatherings are no exception – if anything, they are the scenes where the worst can come out in relationships. A few years ago my wife and I watched the Meryl Streep-Julia Roberts movie, August: Osage County. Several types of tensions, and abuses, were depicted. Awful stuff! But sadly, not fictitious stuff. I have had many people in my therapy office describe similarly sad and traumatic memories. Many discussions I have had about how to manage the upcoming Thanksgiving, or Christmas family gathering. Clients often share great anxiety over upcoming events and what might go wrong. So, here are a few principles and some related practices to consider if you have some angst about the upcoming holiday family gathering. The goal is to make things go well! The first principle is to PLAN. If you are involved in hosting, consider a few thoughts: Plan your budget. Costs can easily get out of hand because “it’s family” or “it’s a special occasion”. Be Clear about time and time-frame. We’ve all been in situations that had someone stay way too late or too many days. Exercise some boundaries with those who may be just too tiresome. Being clear means Communicate! This is essential to being clear about what and when. Delegate. Some people feel that they have to do it all. Sometimes those are the people who get snarky or with whom the guilt-tripping leaks out from. On the other side of the coin and you are a guest, certainly offer to help. If help is refused, bring a food gift. Plan Some Fun. This is a no-brainer, yes, but it is easy for even the best host to forget. A variety of activities - inside and out -will breathe life into the occasion. Plan B. Here I am thinking of situations for those who are the guests and anticipate things going badly. Have an exit strategy should tensions rise or “that person” is at it again. It is ok to set boundaries. Set your travelling schedule to allow you to come and go comfortably. And key, for couples, have that agreed upon ahead of time. Stand by your mate! Another principle is Manage Expectations. Have you ever had you expectations get you in a bind or a conflict? The answer for all of us is, yes. So a couple of additional thoughts about expectations. Moderate expectations. That kinda sums up some of the above but is worth elaborating on. If there are tensions or issues in the past, do not presume they will disappear just because it is a family gathering. If there are issues that need to be talked through, do that outside of the family gathering time. Do it well ahead, and talk openly. Drama… Part of my heritage is Polish and I recently came across a clever Polish idiom. It is, “not my circus, not my monkey!” Translation: set boundaries, Refuse to "go there”. Source: Originally published in MUSKOKA SENIORS, Sept/Oct 2016
Insights Move Us Forward
13 Aug, 2019
In recent weeks I have been reminded of a phenomena that occurs when we talk things through with one another. It is the idea of insight - the "light bulb" going on, or something "clicking". For some it may be learning something they've never heard before and it speaks into their dilemma or their pain. For others it is while talking through something that there is even a dramatic realization of the meaning of something. For one client, this occurrence totally opened up the significance of a recurrent nightmare. It could be a strategy that can be seen to work. Sometimes the "light bulb" is for me and I suddenly get insight into what a client is trying to tell me! When these things happen, change is almost sure to happen. People become motivated to change their behaviour. People are freed up from guilt, shame, lies, and resentment. People experience peace, motivation and freedom - even to face something difficult. All this reminds me of the maxim, "the truth willl set you free". These truths are hard to find on our own effort. Even harder to find if we are isolated or, we find those around us are not getting what we are trying to say. That is one aspect of what counselling therapy is all about. It is providing a relationship where you will be heard. Many people tell me they need someone neutral to talk to because someone is not able to listen or they do not want to burden that person. I work to provide that place to talk freely. I rejoice with clients when the insights occur and the ensuing progress begins.
Internships and Supervision Hours for CRPO
14 Jan, 2019
NOTE: I am not currently taking on internships. I am available for supervision hours on a fee for service basis. Part of my practice is conducting "supervised practice" where I am available to serve students and therapists for supervision. I have thoroughly enjoyed my own experiences of supervision over the years - starting out in private practice and as an ongoing part of being a professional. I have also found providing supervision to be equally enjoyable. Providing a positive supervision experience is my goal. I have said to many that supervising others both keeps me on my toes but has also been very rewarding to see past interns and present supervisees grow. Working in collaboration to assist people and families is what I thrive on. I am very thankful for each of my supervisees and interns. They have made me be a better therapist. Perhaps you are a Masters in Counselling student who needs a setting to do your internship in. I have now worked with 5 Masters of Counselling students to successfully complete their internships. These students were part of programs from Liberty University, Yorkville University and Providence Seminary. Perhaps you are a therapist in need of Supervision Hours to become registered with the the CRPO (College of Registered Psychotherpists of Ontario). In Ontario, in order to practice psychotherapy in Ontario, you must be a member of this college. To become registered, you need 100 hours of supervision and perform a minimum of 450 hours of therapy. (Please see further details at crpo.ca for your registration requirements). Your supervisor must be a member in good standing of the CRPO or be an approved supervisor of your professional body. I am a member in good standing with the CRPO. I have also successfully completed the Masters level course, "Fundamentals of Supervision". This course is required by the American/Ontario Association of Marriage and Family Therapy to become an Approved Supervisor. I am working on pursuing that designation.
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